Finding Myself Since 1998
- Madison Falk
- Dec 15, 2015
- 4 min read
I was immersed in any child’s wonderland, the mall. Glistening toys shone from display windows and lined aisles, silky clothing dangled elegantly from racks and children ran rampant. Objects beckoned differently to passing individuals, some individuals scrutinizing an object with a furrowed brow, and others gleefully plucking it from the shelf. I was bombarded with delicate glass dolls and bellbottoms embellished with blooming flowers. However, only one object truly captured my attention. My small, chubby hand reached towards destiny- towards a film camera. In wonder, I grasped the object. It was coated in a soft blue gel substance, protecting my hands from the hard metal edges, and a delicate flower dangled from the wrist chain attached to the side. Little did I know, it was only the beginning of an incredible journey. The camera guided me to self discovery, evoked in me a passionate desire to explore abstract ideas, and served as a connection to unfamiliar characters through art. However, the camera not only symbolizes personal growth, but also an intimate enlightenment about our world.
Initially, my developing mind was very similar to the camera. It to, was adorned with protective bumpers, shielding me from the magnificent desolation of our world. However, the actual camera lens was bare, giving me a “third eye” into reality. At the fragile age of four, I was oblivious to the enlightening power the camera gave me. Nevertheless, I was still strongly influenced by the object, finding it as a way to explore conceptual possibilities. I became bored of “shooting” my family smiling, and desired something with more depth. As a result, I began creating sets to photograph with my toys, attempting to tell a story.
Eventually I was enrolled in school, where expanding my creativity and intimately understanding the world was ironically placed on the back burner. Quickly, my life was consumed with shallow endeavors such as Lisa Frank folders and glittery pencils. For the next five years, I was consumed by the mindset, “Stay in school, work hard, get good grades, and go to college. Do these things, and some day you’ll be successful.” And gradually, I forgot about my film camera. My understanding of the world temporarily was limited to the impersonal accounts presented by my teachers. I was happy and successful, but my life lacked passion.
However, at the end of my 5th grade year my life, once again, was to be monumentally changed by a camera. This year, our summer vacation had taken us to Seaside, Oregon. I was awestruck by the unfamiliar diversity I saw amongst people, and inspired. At the time I was shy, and struggled connecting to the world around me. On the fateful last day of our vacation, we went to a costume photobooth in the Seaside Carousel Mall. My story with photography began in a mall, and fate decided to rekindle my passion in that mall at Seaside. There, we were instructed to tell various stories on an old western set. I watched the photographers as they pored over the images with excitement written on their faces. I realized I was envious of them, and I wanted behind the camera.
As we left the store, I was again bombarded by objects of all variety, however, none captured my attention like the camera had all those years ago. My family scattered across the mall, drawn by different items. I set out pursuing the one thing I subconsciously knew would offer spiritual fulfillment, the camera. I once more found destiny on the shelf farthest back in your average department store. It was cherry red, smooth and digital. The protective bumpers had been removed, foreshadowing what yet was to happen to my mind. With that camera, I began to tell stories. I adorned my siblings in costumes and photographed them in abstract situations. It enabled me to explore the creative world as well as myself with the camera. And slowly, my mind shed the barriers from reality. When that DSLR malfunctioned for the last time, I knew I couldn’t let the camera die with my passion. For the next three years, I toiled through various jobs and saved every penny. Eventually, I had enough saved to purchase my first Manual/Automatic Cannon Camera.
I felt whole holding that camera. Not because of the object itself, but because I recognized the lessons it had inadvertently taught me. Photography had taught me lessons school never could, about myself and others. I no longer needed the lense to see the world... I had clarity. The Earth had always been beautiful, but never before had I seen it so intimately. To this day, I am baffled with wonderment at every new experience. With the help of a camera lense, the world went from being simply charming to this dynamic, magnificent place bubbling with diversity and incredible people. Before the camera, I had been blind.
Now, I live everyday passionately, Striving to share with others my vision through photography. And each day, I see people less fortunate than I, enduring the struggle of finding their passion. I am confronted with two emotions: an extreme sense of gratefulness, and an intense desire to capture their story. I need to tell stories with my photos, evoke emotion and inspire others. However, I have yet to reach the professionalism of photography where I can express, genuinely, what I perceive. Therefor, I’m proceeding to college to earn my Bachelors degree in photography, which will give me the tools I need to create the images my eyes see.
In all, the camera has shaped who I am today. The lessons a view through a camera lens have taught me are irreplaceable. The camera led me to contemplate my identity, awakened in me a fervent desire to explore conceptual ideas, and served as a connection to foreign personalities through art. Having said that, the camera not only epitomizes personal development, but also a profound insight into our world. Needless to say, when I found that blue film camera, I found myself.
